Comments on Mothers in Medicine: Ladies, don't panic!

I was 37 pregnant with my third child. I had a p...

2009-07-28T14:44:52.993-04:00

I was 37 pregnant with my third child. I had a previous miscarriage due to a chromosomal abnormality, and two healthy children. There was over a 99% chance that I would have a baby without a chromosomal abnormality.

Even though my doctors thought there was no reason I shouldn't get pregnant again, I was a prime candidate for an amniocentesis.

I didn't want to have it for fear of miscarriage, but I respected the wishes of my husband and advice my doctor and had it. Just so we could be prepared if something was wrong. 3 weeks later, I was told my baby had died in utero. The doctors attributed the loss to the amnio.

I went on to have another child, my sweet boy, who just happens to have Down syndrome.

Let me tell you something ladies, if you are the one, you are the one. Let me tell you something else, losing a baby possibly due to an amnio is a whole lot more painful than LOVING a child who just happens to have an extra chromosome.

Women and doctors really look at prenatal testing as no big deal, but it can be.

Ask yourself, if you want another child, are you willing to love your child no matter what or are you only willing to accept a child who fits a specific mold? Then ask yourself, are you willing to terminate a pregnancy if a prenatal test shows that you were not given the child you wanted?

What would you do if you turn out to be the one?

The question at the top of this post (Anonymous) "...

2009-07-25T09:32:30.064-04:00

The question at the top of this post (Anonymous) "How well would your life work with a 4th child who has Down syndrome?" speaks directly to the primary issue here: we can't predict how the addition of any child will impact our lives.

It is a chance we take when we decide to have children.

Having five children myself (the youngest with Ds), I can say that our lives were impacted by the addition of each child. In a really good way.

You can choose to worry about everything, second-guess every decision you make, compare your life to the lives of others. Or, you can choose to embrace your own life, whatever choices you make and whatever comes to you by chance. You can make the choice to be grateful, and hopeful, and to live a life filled with love.

Thanks for reading and thanks to all for the inter...

2009-07-21T23:51:14.178-04:00

Thanks for reading and thanks to all for the interesting comments. I think the message I take away from this is that motherhood, with all its uncertainties and variations, is a fantastic, challenging, heartbreaking, and very worthwhile journey. Best of luck to all!

I am the mother of a beautiful daughter with Down ...

2009-07-21T19:56:08.023-04:00

I am the mother of a beautiful daughter with Down syndrome. I was 29 when she was delivered vbac, following a perfect pregnancy. The fact that she had an extra 21st chromosome was not detected during screening tests or three ultrasounds, so I do not know what it is like to receive a pre-natal diagnosis. I do know however what it is like to be given this gift. Sarah will soon be celebrating her 20th birthday. Her life has been nothing short of miraculous. I just don't get what all the fuss is about with Down syndrome. I honestly don't. Come on over to her blog and check out just a few of her amazing accomplishments. You might just be surprised.

I have a daughter who has Down syndrome. She was b...

2009-07-21T13:41:09.449-04:00

I have a daughter who has Down syndrome. She was born when I was 33. And she rocks.

The thing about the odds, is that it does not matter if you are the 1. It can be 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 and if you're the 1? You're the 1.

That said, Down syndrome is nowhere near as bad as I had feared. Times have changed, special education has changed, her life is going to be very different than it would have been even ten or twenty years ago. It's certainly not something I'd choose, but it's not the end of the world either. Not by a long shot.

Oh my - I have just discovered this blog and i am ...

2009-07-20T18:26:34.559-04:00

Oh my - I have just discovered this blog and i am in awe of your life as it is!! Wow - I wish I had your orgnaisation/energy/intelligence!! I have 4 kids - if you can do 3 - and you're an MD - honey - 4 will be another amazing adventure in the incredible life you have created fo yourself and your family!

Now this was a sunshine article indeed. I, too, a ...

2009-07-15T22:12:01.204-04:00

Now this was a sunshine article indeed. I, too, a second year med student, will imitate the med student who made a comment above and keep this article. Michelle

I LOVE your second set of statistics. It's an exc...

2009-07-15T13:04:24.108-04:00

I LOVE your second set of statistics. It's an excellent example of how you can manipulate numbers to look either positive or negative. In my opinion, it's a personal decision between you and your hubby and no one has the right to tell you whether you should or shouldn't have another baby. Statistics about birth defects be darned - if it feels right, then go for it.

For what it's worth, I'm one of 12 children. My mother had two miscarriages, one twin pregnancy. All of the living babies are 100% healthy, and her last baby was born when she was 44 years old. Of course pregnancy is harder as you get older. Of course there are greater risks for birth defects. But if it's right, it's right.

I'm a mommy of a Potter's Syndrome angel baby (our third), and while I was terrified to get pregnant again with our fourth, it was the right thing to do. And our lives would just not be the same with out our rainbow baby Katie. I cannot imagine it any other way.

Deciding to have a baby is gut wrenching, soul searing, and amazing. Good luck with your decision.

Great point about the chances of a healthy baby. ...

2009-07-14T21:06:21.186-04:00

Great point about the chances of a healthy baby. My husband and I did that same math when one of our 1st trimester screening tests came back slightly abnormal - I think a 1:150 chance of something bad (I've blocked out the details!). We were really freaked, until we realized that we had a >99% of that bad thing NOT happening.

I will also want to chime in, however, on the point that bad things can happen at any point. I had a great pregnancy (barring the brief scare above) and ended up delivering a very sick boy. It was a total shock that he didn't breath once born - and ended up on the vent for over 9 weeks. Miraculously (as a doctor, I don't generally believe in miracles - but when it comes to my own children, I do) he is now perfectly fine at 14 months.

One more point: though I agree that the risk of Down's isn't a great reason to rush into pregnancy, the risk of infertility is worth considering. Had I known how hard it would be to get pregnant, I don't know that I would have changed the course of my life... but I'm not sure about that. If I'd ended up not being able to have children at all, I probably would have wished that I'd rethought it all at 30.

Wow- thankyou so much for this! I love looking at ...

2009-07-11T07:37:00.031-04:00

Wow- thankyou so much for this! I love looking at the "chance of a healthy baby" rather than the other way around.
I found out 2 days ago that I am (intentionally) pregnant with number 4- I will be 36 when this one is born, I basically made the decision to live in hope rather than fear (though there's plenty of fear- geriatric pregnancy and a 4th caesarean, plus family hitory of twins!!). My other 3 are similar ages to yours- 5, 3.5 and 2. I still don;t know what will happen after this one is born. Even if it is healthy, I think that this may be the child that makes me stop and take a few years out of medicine.
Good luck deciding on number 4. I especially like how you can see the benefit of number 4 to siblings in the years to comne when you and your husband have gone.
Rebecca

As an OB/Gyn Resident, I have seen so many things ...

2009-07-08T23:38:56.386-04:00

As an OB/Gyn Resident, I have seen so many things that can go wrong during pregnancy! Terrible, terrible things. We are considering a pregnancy in the next year or so. I told my husband the other day. "Having kids is taking a risk. Something terrible might happen either during pregnancy or during the child's life. However, taking the risk also means that something wonderful might happen." You have to live your life like something wonderful might happen instead of the opposite. -OB Resident

Thanks so much for posting this.

2009-07-07T07:28:18.737-04:00

Thanks so much for posting this.

Excellent post. I didn't know that the odds of ha...

2009-07-06T14:21:52.224-04:00

Excellent post. I didn't know that the odds of having a healthy baby were so high! Like the person who commented earlier, I did not know I was pregnant for the first 4 months so I ate tons of sushi and turkey sandwiches, had lots of Frappucinos and did not take my prenatal vitamins. People around me were actually surprised that my twins were born healthy despite all of my risky behavior.

thank you for this thought provoking post. maybe t...

2009-07-05T13:29:30.445-04:00

thank you for this thought provoking post. maybe the best one I've seen (ever) concerning this topic. I'll be hanging on to it. As a fourth year medical student in a dual physician marriage, it is uncertain when we will be trying for our first. I'm 26. I have definitely encountered the rush-to-pregnancy frenzy at school and among college friends and sometimes feel like I have to "beat the clock" even though the time is not right for us. thanks for the perspective.
good luck to you!

Very nice! I may borrow your statistical referenc...

2009-07-03T15:47:41.612-04:00

Very nice! I may borrow your statistical references when speaking with my AMA moms. Statistics also show that most Down's Syndrome babies are born to mothers under 35 (because more babies overall are born to younger moms.)

It is amazing how many come to me at 35 thinking that they should no longer get pregnant..."because of the risk." (Most of my patients think they are "too old" to have kids once they hit 25!!)

You are right, the risks don't stop there. If you did do anything that entailed risk, you'd never do anything at all. :)

Thanks for this post. Wonderful perspective.

2009-07-02T21:17:38.132-04:00

Thanks for this post. Wonderful perspective.

I really appreciated this post. Thank you for pro...

2009-07-02T15:49:37.265-04:00

I really appreciated this post. Thank you for providing a sane perspective.

One of our attendings told us about the doctor-couple who had planned on doing aid work in Africa -- until their 2 month old daughter developed biliary atresia.

Things change, and you never know what hand life will deal you. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

Brilliant post. I was 29 when I was told I'd neve...

2009-07-02T12:49:42.673-04:00

Brilliant post.
I was 29 when I was told I'd never naturally conceive. Consequently, it was a bit of a shock when, 3 months later, I found myself already 12 weeks gone!! I then spent the rest of my pregnancy worrying about all the "bad things" I'd consumed during those 12 weeks!! Fortunately my son was born healthy (I'd just turned 30). We decided to try immediately for a second on the basis that THIS time the OB/GYN doctor might be correct! During my second pregnancy (I was 31), they asked if I wanted nuchal scanning "because of my age". I did not. Our daughter was also healthy.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, had a perfectly normal pregnancy; then, during labour, had a placental abruption, which nearly resulted in us losing both her and the baby. She had to undergo an emergency caesar which hadn't exactly been her Birth Plan of choice! Her son is now fine.

My cousin, on another hand(!), had IVF where 2 embryos resulted in 3 babies. However, at 26 weeks pregnant, she went into labour brought on by an intra-uterine infection. Tragically, she lost one of the babies, and the other 2 spent months in a SCBU with all sorts of problems. They now run around like little hooligans!

But I have to say, pregnancy is probably the bit where you are most in control and it's "safest", because lemme tell you, once they come out, if you didn't have grey hair before, you damn soon WILL have!! I absolutely concur with your statement above: ...but I can tell you from experience that you will worry a thousand times more once you are a mother...
Oh yeah, pregnancy is a Sunday School picnic in comparison. I never once during my pregnancies discovered my heart at the back of my throat or the pit of my stomach; but these past 9 years... oh man, I don't think my heart actually lives behind my sternum any more!! I think my veins and arteries are now made of bungee cord, but mostly, I wouldn't change that at all! Parenthood is one hell of a ride.

Thank you !

2009-07-02T09:13:31.198-04:00

Thank you !