Comments on Mothers in Medicine: Mothering

Just support your mom like a friend and don't over...

2009-04-30T11:46:00.000-04:00

Just support your mom like a friend and don't overanalyze stuff. I've noticed my American friends overanalyze every aspect of their relationship with their parents and blame all their faults on it...sometimes treating the relationship just like a casual friendship is better. If your mom says something inflammatory, don't be like a teen and freak out; deal with her like any other adult. Anyway I wish the best health for your mom.

My husband is a veteran of many BMB. They hurt but...

2009-04-11T12:25:00.000-04:00

My husband is a veteran of many BMB. They hurt but it's over quickly. Getting anesthesia turns it into more than just a quick visit.

When you get to the point where you've been spending more time than you'd like with doctors and hospitals sometimes the quick poke is preferable to the medicated half-day ordeal.

Low platelets/blood counts weren't ever his symptom, so hopefully your Mom has something less involved!

Thank you all for your support - it means a great ...

2009-04-10T10:40:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your support - it means a great deal. I find I'm walking so many fine lines right now - trying to make enough medical suggestions without overstepping, keeping up with the various updates without amping up anxiety, working on this relationship and trying to make something of it while trying to keep my mom's feeling in perspective. Thanks again! MWAS

I'm sorry you have to go through this difficult ti...

2009-04-10T09:45:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry you have to go through this difficult time! I think being a physician actually makes this sort of thing easier, since you have the knowledge to understand completely what's going on and to help your mom make good, informed decisions. If you had no medical knowledge, you'd probably be much more uneasy.

This way, you can do things to help instead of just standing by (like making the Versed suggestion). Your mom can feel more comfortable knowing she can trust your input and knowing you can translate the complicated, potentially scary medical information.

It is strange and unsettling when a child has to take on this type of role in a parent's life. I guess it's part of the normal progression, but that doesn't make it easier.

I recognize what you're going through; I am beginn...

2009-04-09T22:20:00.000-04:00

I recognize what you're going through; I am beginning the same dance as my parents are developing various ailments which need ever-increasing interventions. I suspect that we'll find that our comfort level in dealing with our parents' medical issues is much like that of dealing with our children's issues - sometimes we'll want to pull out every credential we've got, on other occasions we'll be there primarily as emotional support, and most of the time we'll fall somewhere in-between. My thoughts are with you.

A

My mom and I had a touch and go relationship until...

2009-04-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

My mom and I had a touch and go relationship until my last year of residency. For some reason things started to click and our relationship improved. Eight months after I finished residency, my mom died unexpectedly at the age of 59. I thank God our last year together was not contentious! I still will need years of therapy to process everything I endured with my mom, but at least I don't have the what ifs to deal with.

I say if you can, keep working at your relationship with your mom. 6 years after her death, I still miss her and mourn all the milestones she will never witness in my life.

MWAS, thanks for sharing this complex experience a...

2009-04-09T21:21:00.000-04:00

MWAS, thanks for sharing this complex experience and reflection with us. I'm with you in spirit on so many levels! Rooting for you - T. (Anesthesioboist)

Tempeh, Thanks - very weird position to be in righ...

2009-04-09T17:08:00.000-04:00

Tempeh, Thanks - very weird position to be in right now and from far away.

KC - you're so right -never a class in med school about coaching your own family through their own medical ups and downs.

FD - I'm honored to be on your prayer list - and I'm coming to that same conclusion about the wacky family - better some than none at all!

I, too, have a complicated relationship with my mo...

2009-04-09T14:14:00.000-04:00

I, too, have a complicated relationship with my mom. Your description of the intellectual/emotional selves is perfect for me.

What I've discovered, after some therapy for this whacked out relationship, is that it's better to have a bizarre relationship than no relationship at all.

I think you are doing exactly what you should do. Be there, accessible, for medical insight but mostly daughterly support and love.

It sounds trite, but I'm putting your family on my ever-growing prayer list. Can't hurt, right?

Peace, sister.

Complicated is right. Right there with you, MWAS. ...

2009-04-09T13:55:00.000-04:00

Complicated is right. Right there with you, MWAS. Keep us posted. They don't teach you how to handle this in medical school. Hugs.

Hang in there, MWAS. It sounds like you are givin...

2009-04-09T13:46:00.000-04:00

Hang in there, MWAS. It sounds like you are giving your mom what she needs right now, which is the loving support of a daughter and the gentle guiding hand of a doctor in the family with her best interest in mind.

My own mother was diagnosed with lymphoma when I was a freshman in college, many years before I would become a medical oncologist, and that was very emotionally complicated. I cannot imagine adding to that the intellectual aspects if I were already a physician. (She remains in remission 19 yrs later, in case you are wondering. :))

Hope the results of the bone marrow bx are good. I will keep fingers crossed for you and her.