Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Keep your mama friendships guilt free

I have been so blessed to have several amazing groups of girlfriends, most of whom are mamas. I have a handful of dear friends from high school, sorority line and big sisters who have become like family, my college international housemates, my college friends whose spouses have become my husband's friends, beloved friends from our time in family housing at UNC, my Code Brown Crew from UNC Pediatric Residency, the mamas from the parenting group my husband and I started 3 years ago, and my family - I count my mother, mother-in-law, and great aunt as three of my best friends - these women fill my life with advice and love and accept my text messages and incoming calls day or night. I love, love, love them!

I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a family and it takes a tribe of girlfriends to keep a mama sane and thriving. Over time I have come to realize that it is impossible to be everything to someone and as such I have been able to find over time that all of the different qualities my girlfriends have make for some diverse, sound, and priceless advice. I have never been a one-best-friend type of girl even though I wanted to be and instead do much better with a cadre of lady friends. 

As our lives have ebbed and flowed, sometimes the calls are more frequent, sometimes months or even  years go by without communication. But the love is always there. After months of not speaking I have done consults on sick kiddos, talked to family members who had medical questions, done an emergency contraception consult for an adolescent volunteer visiting the United Arab Emirates (it is dangerous in many countries to have unmarried sex). I have walked with friends through infertility, infant loss, miscarriages, marriage challenges, spousal communication issues, school issues, health issues, you name it. 

As my life has become busier I have been doing more lately to immediately send a text when one of them crosses my mind. Just a quick "you ran across my mind, it's been so long, sending you a big ole hug. How are you and the family?!?". Which leads to a flurry of updates before we have to run. And if I really feel compelled and have some alone time in the car, I pick up the phone and call. Some of those impromptu catch up calls have been life changing for me and for the other ladies. 

I have incorporated a saying recently when the inevitable "I am so sorry it's been so long" is uttered. I quickly say something like "Girl!!! Our lives are so busy ain't nobody got time for mama guilt! Call or text me when I run across your mind and I'll do the same for you!" and then we laugh and continue to catch up in the few minutes we have.

So to all of the mamas out there. Call or text your friends when they run across your mind. When you talk, carry on where you need to. If you feel the need to apologize for it being so long, be gentle and forgiving with yourself and stop yourself! Let's minimize the guilt we have in our lives and do what we can when we can unapologetically. If your friend apologizes, tell her you refuse to have any guilt in your relationship when life is already so complicated and you promise to do what you can when you can to stay in touch. Here's to keeping your mama friendships guilt free and full of love! 

How do you keep in touch with your friends? How do you minimize guilt in your relationships? Please comment below!


  1. Such an on point post. Instagram helps keeps me in the loop, but it also makes me feel so far away from all the fun while I'm in the hospital :/. This post made me look back at my last few text/whatsapp conversations- they all had an "Im sorry" sentence every few weeks. Definitely something to be aware of going forward!

    1. I tried to respond a few days ago while up nursing the baby but it didn't go through! So glad that you liked it! One thought I had - don't forget to look around the hospital for good girlfriends. While in residency, I had several residents and nurses who I would get together with regularly especially on those days/nights I was stuck in the hospital. We would meet up for a quick hot chocolate or lunch break - it was soo needed. And outside of work we would get together for girls' outings (like to a hip hop dance class) or play date with the kids. Try it and let me know how it works out!

  2. I love this so much. I think it was on this blog (?) that I first read about women saying “sorry” much more than their male counterparts for the things we can’t help in our jobs, so I’ve been doing better about pushing “I’m sorry” out of my professional life but it inevitably creeps in my personal life too.

    I am notorious for picking up my phone on every car ride I’m alone. I love my speaker phone. I have a rotating list of friends and family that I mentally run through and call if it’s been awhile. It can lead to a game of phone tag but eventually we’ll connect. I also put them on speaker phone quite a bit during play time seeing as Baby generally prefers to play by himself with me watching and there’s only so much block smashing I can watch without something else going on in the background 😉.

    I think you’re fantastic Mommabee! Have a great thanksgiving!

  3. I tried to respond over Thanksgiving break but it wouldn't go through. So happy you enjoy the post! Yes, women say sorry way too much. I guess it's how we are socialized. My hubby is always like "why are you apologizing again?" and I'm like "I don't know, sorry" (LOL). I love love love the ways you are incorporating quick catch up calls. I too have been known to use speaker phone while playing with the baby! LOL! Happy holidays and thanks so much for hyping me up. Work and life can get stressful - glad to know you enjoyed the post :-)


Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. So.Much.Spam.