Friday, October 12, 2018

Mom wisdom: spacing of kids?

Hello mom-asphere,

I'm curious to get people's opinions/advice on spacing of kiddos. My husband and I have been talking about how close in age we'd like to have kids (and, since we're foster parents, we have more say in this than most people do!), and I've of two minds -- I see a lot of benefits to having them be able to be friends and playmates for each other, very close in age, but I also think there are practical perks to having a 3-4 year old who can entertain themselves (albeit briefly) while you're busy with a newborn.

Professionally, I'm also curious - does it seem to make more sense to have 3-4 unproductive years, professionally, rather than draw it out for 7-8 years of really small kids, when probably publishing/etc is more challenging?

What worked for you?


  1. Honestly not sure it matters. There are pros and cons to close v far spacing. Our first 2 are 4 years apart which was nice bc our first was fairly independent when #2 was born. That said it was rough for him to transition from being an only child. Our third is 2 years younger than #2 and the transition was easier on her but hard for us having a baby/toddler combo.

  2. I am a non-traditional MS2, and we did both types of spacing. Our older two kids are two years apart, and I quit my job as a teacher/college professor for four years when they were young. Life was just too crazy. We then had a five year gap before #3 and a four year gap before #4. I worked part-time through the second two kids, and this was less crazy (even though there were more kids in the house altogether)! The oldest two are fast friends; the younger two bring their own friends and cousins into our home. It is so much fun, however you do it. Now all my kids are in school full time and I am back in school myself. My advice is to pick your roller coaster and enjoy the ride.

    1. Haha, well said! We did something similar, we had our first 2 (both girls) 2.5 years apart, then spent a while deciding if we wanted a third, and finally had our son 4.5 years after our second daughter. I was pretty overwhelmed with the first 2 and continued to work part time, so the space before my son made it feel like he was a first born, and I really enjoyed it. The downside is now we have 2 girls in college and our son is just beginning high school. If we'd had them closer, he wouldn't be stuck with his parents for the next 4 yrs (although he says he likes not having any sibs around to fight with). Also we would be empty nesters sooner if we'd had them closer, but the closer that gets, the less excited I become about it ;)

  3. Females are doing great work in medical field. I'm proud to be one of them Dr. Hanna Rhee

  4. I agree with SRB - pick your roller coaster :)
    I have two girls, a 2.75yo and a 5 month old, (2 years and 4 months apart). It was a tough transition, but is pretty good now. It's definitely not easy chasing a two year old while trying to breastfeed (or bottle feed, I'm sure for that matter). I think it depends a lot on your child's temperament, too. But, I just kind of wanted to get the whole up at night, changing diapers, breastfeeding, and missing conferences etc. part of life done in one chunk.
    My advice is to hire help while you're on maternity leave. My nanny came for at least a half day every weekday until I went back to work part time, and that extra help really allowed me to have some special time with the new baby and not be so stressed about having to take care of both little ones all the time. I think it also made the transition a little easier on my first because she still had a lot of one-on-one attention with either me or her nanny.

  5. Ours were spaced q3 years. That was just enough time to feel somewhat recovered for us to even think about having another one! Our kids get along great at their spacing. (My brother is 5 years younger; Husband's brother is 7 years it's a huge difference seeing our kids so close figuratively) I felt I was able to remain productive academically the whole time, actually - I was just all the more time efficient.


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