I have never been one to track my periods, but then life happened and now I am tracking them religiously.
I think back to when it all began. I was one of the last of my friends to get my period. Even though my mother had prepared me with books and talks, I still thought death was imminent when it started. So once they occurred regularly, I just went with it. No charting. No tracking.
Fast forward to my mid-twenties as a medical student. My husband and I decided to have a child before starting residency because it seemed like a good plan. Thankfully Little Zo established himself promptly after discontinuing my IUD. 3 weeks after. I had little knowledge of how truly a blessing that was.
And then life happened. The stories of loss and infertility began to trickle in. A cousin whose first child was conceived in our 20s using in vitro fertilization and who is still paying bills for it; she has been trying for years for baby #2. The friend and aunt who have both suffered multiple miscarriages. The friend who experienced a molar pregnancy and had to consider radiation therapy. The best friends who suffered a stillbirth that I wrote about here: http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/2013/07/life-loss-and-celebrations-of-love.html
Once settled into attendingdom, O and I decided to try again in order to give Zo that sibling he sometimes mentioned. I wrote in my post on December 29, 2016 entitled “(all is not) lost” about our miscarriage (http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/2016/12/all-is-not-lost.html). It was devastating.
And now, without even realizing it, I have begun tracking my cycles. 3 after the IUD was removed and then we were pregnant with number 2. And then the miscarriage.
My D&C surgery was in January 2017. And every month thereafter I prayed my cycle would return. Was that pinch the beginnings of my cycle? Was that the beginning of ovulation. 3 months later, my cycle returned. And each month that went by we still weren’t pregnant. And then. Last menstrual period May 17, 2017. We are overwhelmingly happy, frightened, joyful, petrified, and elated. Big brother Zo is happy. Thus begins a new clocking of days, weeks, and trimesters. Second trimester begins this week. So thankful.
Congrats Mommabee! So excited for you. I was fertile myrtle - never had this angst but have been through it with friends. Can't wait to hear more❤️❤️❤️ReplyDelete
Thank you for your response and for your excitement. Actually I am pretty fertile too - it has taken less than 4 months for me to get pregnant each time. I and my doctors do not consider my pregnancy loss a failed pregnancy attempt, I did in fact get pregnant. After speaking with several friends who have dealt with infertility I want to share that your comment kind of made me sad and let me share more. As someone who has never as you state "had this angst" let me share. I have NOT dealt with infertility. Infertility is often defined as having been unable to conceive after 1 year of regular sexual activity. I have friends who have tried for years and years and been unsuccessful, that though is not my story. Since our miscarriage, I am ever more cognizant of the way I frame my own story and those of my friends. Though miscarriage was devastating I don't want to mischaracterize what I went through after getting pregnant within months and miscarrying as being similar to what, for example, my friend who dealt with years of infertility and then experienced loss did. So, I too would consider myself "fertile myrtle" - but I honestly would NEVER EVER EVER say that to a friend who has lost a baby or is struggling in anyway as it felt insensitive. The congrats was enough and your sharing that you have never had this angst as well.Delete
I knew not too long after I wrote this it was insensitive and I was scared to come back here until now. I should have deleted it but I have been avoiding the blog instead. I am so sorry I read this way too quick and was doing too many other things at once. I have certainly struggled in many other areas in my life and when I read your blog more closely the next day I was like ugh. I apologize from the bottom of my heart and am still looking forward to hearing more. Thank you for your thoughtful response.Delete
Thank you for your response and for your email. Girl! We all have these slips from time to time. Takes a big Mama in medicine to see the error and apologize. I appreciate it. More than anything I just wanted to ensure that you wouldn't say that to anyone else. We live and we learn. In love and medicine 😘Delete
Thank you so much for understanding. I was trying to express admiration and it came out so so wrong! I really do admire you so much and am super happy for you Mommabee.Delete
Awww congratulations! I'm starting to track/pee on ovulation sticks/hope for baby #2 right now. If MY plan (and we know nothing goes according to our plans) goes my way,I'm shooting for a summer baby so I'm not leaving my Peds clinic in a lurch during cough and cold season. Can't wait to hear more!ReplyDelete
Thanks! Oh goodness, the anxiety of trying. Wishing you the best!!!Delete
Once you choose hope anything will be possible.ReplyDelete
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