Thursday, February 18, 2016

35 pounds

I have lost 35 pounds. 5 pounds at time. Over the last 3 years.

Unfortunately, I have also gained 35 pounds over that same time frame.

3 years ago, when Hubby and I decided to have a second kid, I knew it would be better for my health if I lost 20-35 pounds. I also thought it would take a year to get pregnant because it did the first time around. So I began to exercise and diet. 2 months later and 5 pounds down, I was pregnant. And terrified because I had gained 45 pounds during my first pregnancy.

Then the miserable pregnancy began. Horrible morning sickness for the first trimester. I had expected some because I had it in my first pregnancy but by week 14, it had stopped. I got two blissful weeks in my second pregnancy where I could eat normally at the beginning of my second trimester. Then came feeling lightheaded after eating or abdominal pain that would prevent me from finishing meal. I rarely ate. I wasn't even hungry. At work, I would vomit in empty patient rooms' trash cans. I had to take 4-8 mg of zofran and 1000 mg of acetaminophen before each shift. I never had less than 3+ ketones in my urine. I felt miserable all the time. By week 28, I had gained zero weight, but had not lost any either, and ultrasounds proved Blur2 was growing fine. I passed out week 32 and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (had passed my 3hr glucose test with flying colors weeks before). On the carb restricted diet, I lost 10 pounds in 9 days. Off the carb restricted diet, my sugars were never higher than 130, even after eating cinnamon rolls and drinking orange juice, and most of the time they were 100-110. Somehow, despite not eating, I gained back the 10 pounds and delivered Blur2 weighing the same as I did when I conceived him.

At my 6 week post-partum checkup, I weighed 15 pounds less. No diet. No exercise. Just baby and placenta and fluids. I was also able to eat normally. I was happy and thought it would be a great jumpstart to my original goal a year prior. Except, I was exhausted with new baby and a toddler and headed back to full-time at 12 weeks of maternity leave. Slowly, I regained the 15 pounds, but not more, as if my body wanted to be this weight.

1 year of adjusting my diet - less carbs, less fluid calories, more protein, used myfitnesspal - and my weight go down 5 pounds with each change and then creep back up.

I intermittently work out. I view exercise as a necessary form of torture. During periods of working out, my diet would get even better and 5 pounds would come off. Of course, I would stop exercising because I hate it and then the 5 pounds came back.

I got diagnosed with arthritis (subtype unknown) and worsening reactive airway disease. Stiffness all the time doesn’t help the working out motivation. Every little cold turns into weeks of inhalers. Steroids (for both), don’t help my weight.

I work evening and nights. I eat on the run or just before shift. I never liked breakfast, still don’t, and often catching up on sleep then. I am the cook for my home and I make healthy foods.

I am sick of the plateaus, the stopping-starting, this weight that my body wants to be, this relative out-of-shapeness. I am also sick of not being able to keep up with my kids and worrying about my future health.

Excuses are easier than losing weight and being healthy.

So I'll restart on Monday. Again.

Maybe this time I'll get to 35 pounds.


  1. That's quite the roller coaster emotionally and health-wise - it's no wonder it's a roller coaster on the scale as well. A couple times in my life I've been able to lose weight - both times it was through making 'lifestyle' changes rather than a diet. I got super into Crossfit - I am a former athlete type and I enjoyed it - it wasn't torture, it was fun. Another time I did the Paleo/Primal thing. I felt better minus gluten and carbs - I know it comes off as a fad, but the weight came off too. … Anyway - right now I am in a hard place emotionally, with work, with family. And for me, too, the scale reflects that. I am trying to just focus on choices that will help me feel good in a holistic way. Maybe I want a cookie, but three cookies and I will feel great for 10 minutes and terrible for 10 hours. I am trying to make due with 15 minute workouts when I can get them rather than do nothing because it can't be the 1-hour workout I prefer. I don't know if this will equal taking pounds off. (I am up about 15 pounds). But the outlook I've adopted is feeling better. Not sure if this experience will help you any. I've been there and it's hard - especially with odd work hours, etc. Good luck and FEEL good soon!

  2. Oh I feel your pain. It took me two years to lose my baby weight. Fifty pounds. But what worked for me may not be what works for you. Everyone's different, and everyone needs their own healthy approach. I got in mini-workouts whenever I could: five minutes of jumping rope, some pilates moves before bedtime, taking the stairs at work, wearing a stepcounter and aiming for 10k steps/ day, etc... And I just made low-carb eating and logging on myfitnesspal my baseline. I still do this, and the weight has stayed off. Sounds like it would be key for you to find a physical activity that you enjoy, and a healthy everyday eating plan that is livable. Good luck, it is hard.


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