Last year, when I was on call a lot and very busy at work, I couldn't get enough time with my babe. I always wanted more, more, more. And I still feel that way--about the time I spend with her. But lately, I've been feeling like I just don't do enough. When I'm home, I sometimes just want to relax--I don't always want to be doing educational activities, or practicing walking, or force-feeding her. Sometimes I just want to be at home with her and I don't want the work that comes with it!
But because we now have a nanny who does not provide much educational content during the day, when I get home I feel that I need to do more with her. And because she is home all day, it's always up to me to provide healthy nutritious meals that are variable enough for her that she actually wants to eat them. I frequently don't feel that I do a good job in either of the above aspects and I wonder if I would be better off sending her to a daycare where she is exposed to learning and a variety of food and time to play outside and when we get home, we can just spend time together and cuddle and kiss and love.
I know now for a fact that if I was a stay at home mom, I would not be a good one. I just don't have the energy it takes to provide my Doll with all that she needs! I'm grateful for my job, and I always want more TIME with my baby, but I just want it to be quality time where I'm not stressed with her.
Does anything I'm saying make any sense?