I recently attended a bachelorette party. A few of the other ladies were moms, but I was the only physician mom. One of the other moms struck up a conversation with me about our children. We exchanged pictures, told stories, laughed. Then she asked me who watches my baby when I'm at work, and I told her my mother and mother-in-law do. She proceeded to comment, rather rudely I might add, about how I was missing everything in my daughter's life, and I was missing her growing up. She even said, "It's hard for the baby without her mommy." I replied, "I made my bed, now I have to lie in it," and promptly ended the conversation, as I did not feel like being lectured by a complete stranger about my working status.
When I got home, I was infuriated. How dare she say that to someone she just met! Then I got mad at myself for answering the way I did. Yes I did make my bed, but it's not an awfully uncomfortable one, and I like it... most of the time.
Furthermore, I was upset that she said this was hard on my Doll. You see, I don't think it really is, or at least I really hope it's not. My Doll is taken care of by her loving, adoring grandmothers who would do anything for her. They're both kind, sweet, and patient with her. They feed her, change her, play with her, and bathe her just as I would.
I feel that the loss is all mine-- I do miss my baby growing up. I wish I could witness every moment of it. But for many reasons, I work. And my hope is that in the future, my baby does not hold it against me that her grandmothers took care of her when she was little; I hope she appreciates having a hard working, self sufficient mommy, who can help to provide her with a more comfortable life then she otherwise would have. I hope she will always see it as a positive, never a negative. And finally, my greatest hope is that I am the only one who feels the pain of being away from her. I can't know for sure how she feels, but I hope she is just as happy being with her grandmas as she would have been with me.