Friday, March 7, 2014

Daddy time!

My daughter has the most beautiful relationship with her daddy.  They have their own little songs they sing together, bedtime rituals, games only they understand.  She’s his little buddy and I love to watch her chat with him in her little 3 year old way about her day or her thoughts.  I’m currently on a very long night float rotation and my little one is having a hard time keeping her sleep schedule.  Many nights my husband declares that she is going to bed at 8pm on the dot.  I often find her snuggled up with my hubby in bed after they’ve stayed up late watching “one more Dora” or having a jam session in his studio.  There is so much beauty in their father daughter relationship.  It is deep and substantial and real.  I hope their strong bond continues as she gets older and helps her to continue to be strong and self assured.   My husband and I love raising this beautiful girl together.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a fellow resident (and mom of 2) about the typical mommy guilt involved with being a resident and spending time away from your kids.  She’s struggling about choosing a specialty and worried about the damage a more rigorous specialty would cause to her kids.  Somehow we got to the topic of her husband having to comb hair and she mentioned that her daughter actually prefers her daddy’s more gentle approach to her mom’s attempts at taming her hair.  And then we starting talking about all the daddy daughter bonds both of our daughters have and reflected that without their busy mamas, our daughters may not have had the opportunity to form these strong attachments.

My daughter is proud of my work at “the doctor house.”  The time I spend with her is my most treasured and I think our relationship is amazing.  How awesome is it that she also has just as enriching and fulfilling a relationship with her daddy.  And, I’m not suggesting that dads never form close relationships with their daughters in all other work-life situations.  However, just think of how many women you know who report troubled or complicated or loose ties to their fathers.  Maybe our girls would have formed all these same attachments no matter what careers we had.  But, on those days of horrible mommy guilt, it’s nice to think of my baby girl and my hubby dancing, singing and rocking out to their own song.

cross posted at


  1. I had my daughter during my PhD and got to spend a lot of time with her when she was <2, and she still has a great relationship with her father (who worked 12 hour days most of that time) and with me, AND her babysitter. I think it has more to do with the man than with your work schedule. You and your resident friend obviously chose great partners! Some men... it's like they had a kid and their lives don't change at all, and I think the bond they have with their kids suffers as a result.

  2. My daughter is now 14.5 and had that same kind of relationship with her dad at that age and it totally has continued. She has *zero* time or care or concern for most of the boys at school because eh, they simply don't measure up to the type of man attention she gets at home. He has set the bar high. They are buddies to the Nth degree..they had their own bathtime imaginary game they played when she was little that involved him talking in weird accents and voices. I was not allowed in! I came home from a long day in clinic yesterday to find the two of them making homemade enchiladas together. Her phone and headphones were not even in the room which is a HUGE statement for a teenage girl! I love your description of their relationship and I assure you it will guard her heart well into young adulthood.

  3. Agree with OMDG, I have a pretty flexible schedule and spend lots of time with my kids, but they still both have a strong bond with Daddy because…he's daddy!

  4. During my early days in my current position, I had to work a lot more weekend days. Our daughter would spend those days with Daddy: serious QT. I think they developed such a strong bond because of this and they are still especially close. It's really sweet. I think it is also dependent on the man, but that time alone together contributes. Wait until the Father-Daughter dances. :)


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