I’m in a little bit of a predicament, hoping you can help me with. I’m a college junior, hoping to apply to medical school soon, but kind of at a difficult crossroads.
Let me preface this by saying that I’m 20 years old and I know that it’s maybe too soon to start thinking about children. But, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I was born to be a mom. I’ll never admit that out loud to my college junior friends, but it’s true. I’ve always loved children, and I’ve always felt that my future kids will have to be my number one priority in my life. However, my mom gave up her dreams to stay at home with my brother and I, and the regret and resentment she feels has really affected our family. I therefore try to overcompensate and promise myself I’ll never radiate that kind of resentment towards my family in the future. But then I think, what if it’s the other way around and I start to regret not having spent enough time with them? I consistently find myself up at 4 a.m. on your blog searching keywords like “balance”, “regret”…you know, really healthy things to be thinking about at 4 a.m. …
I know it’s all kind of presumptuous and maybe silly that I haven’t even stepped foot into a medical school yet (to look around or even interview for that matter), and I’m already worried about these things. But the thing is, medical school is an expensive road to go down, without being 100% in it. I keep reading these terrible horror stories about people who go into medicine and drop out during their third year after having used so many student loans, ect. And for goodness sakes, it seems like every other day some media outlet is coming out with a poll about how 50% or ___% of doctors wouldn’t choose the road again if they could.
I keep going back and forth. Physician or physician assistant. I try to convince myself toward one or the other it seems every other week. I think to myself, “Yeah, I could work on a team. I would still be able to practice medicine. I could still help people. I think that my time spent with my kids would make up for the feeling of not actually fulfilling my original dream. Or maybe it wasn’t my dream in the first place, maybe I’m just holding onto something I thought about when I was 12. Or maybe I made it my dream so that I would never be the resentful mother.”
Gosh, it’s all so confusing to me. I find myself taking screen-shots of the success stories, or “satisfied” or “happy” mom/doctor submissions on your blog, and printing it out to paste my “study” wall to help me trudge through this MCAT preparation, in attempts to keep me focused and dedicated. Can anyone out there give me insight or share some advice?