Ok, lets try this again (yes, I'm over posting myself). I just finally put my daughter to sleep. Its as if she knows something is up. She has been adorable all day!
Today I had a marvelous day with my daughter. We read books, danced like crazy, had a morning sleepover (which involved playing and jumping around on a comforter and pillows on the floor in her room), slow danced to Miles Davis, belted out some Etta James, played catch in the yard, ate munchkins outside in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot, called family to say "I lu y-ooo" and just basically had an awesome day. Tomorrow I go back to residency after my two year lab hiatus.
As I held my little munchkin tonight, after breastfeeding her to sleep, I couldn't stop thinking of the meeting with the scheduling chief a little more that two years ago. During our meeting we discussed the feasibility of me going into the lab. I remember thinking that if I pulled this off, the little 10 week old peanut inside me would be a year and a half by the time I started back - practically a grown-up. Well, here we are. I am the mother of the greatest 18 month old baby that ever lived. I can't believe I'm already at that year and a half mark. I look back at myself then and realize that I am UTTERLY CHANGED. Completely and utterly changed. She has changed me in every way. She colors ever decision I make, she is such a huge part of what defines me, what motivates me, what matters. During my last trip home for my mom's surgery, my husband taught my daughter how to say "Mommy's a doctor" or more like "Mah-mie uh dahktur." Tonight as he handed her to me for our bedtime routine he must have given her the sign, because she said it again, in her cute beautiful little voice. I nearly melted. I love her SO MUCH. I pray that through all of this I can be a good mom and a good doctor.