Dear conjunctivitis: I don't like you. I kind of hate you. Why do you insist on repeatedly infecting the conjunctiva of my kids? Why do you create big globs of mucus in my kids' eyes? Does it give you some sort of sick, sick pleasure? And how come you're so contagious? If you like my kids' eyes so much, why not just stay there? And making me drag my screaming child to the doctor and force drops in her eyes even though your viral shell is impervious to antibiotics is just plain mean. I think you seriously need to get some help, man.
Oh, did I mention my kid got conjunctivitis recently?
Conjunctivitis is an illustration of everything that's wrong with everything. When the daycare calls you at work, in the middle of a packed morning clinic, saying, "Your baby has conjunctivitis and you must pick her up immediately," you realize that it's impossible to live like this. How do you have a career when you can get called out at any minute for eye mucus? "Sorry, Mr. Smith, I realize you took the morning off from work to come to this appointment and you've been waiting to see me, but I have an EYE MUCUS EMERGENCY at home so I have to leave immediately."
And it's not just eye mucus. Every day, there's a new note on the door of my child's classroom, saying something like, "We regret to inform you that there has been a case of [conjunctivitis, head lice, strep throat, chicken pox, plague] in your child's class. The infected child has been sequestered in a plastic bubble and rolled home, where they will stay until their mother gets fired."
Lately, more and more, the model of one parent staying home or working half days seems to be the only reasonable thing to do. What else are you supposed to do on conjunctivitis days? Or when your kid gets out of school at, like, 2PM for some reason, even though practically every adult works until at least 5PM. Or during those random weeks off. I mean, President's week? Seriously?? What is that?
Can you tell I'm a little aggravated?