Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Please help me!

Eventually all good things come to an end and very soon I'm going back to being a working mom, but now a working mom with two kids.

Scared? Yes. Overwhelmed? Yes.

In need of advice and reassurance?

Yes.

17 comments:

  1. Fizzy - I wish I had suggestions, but I'll be reading others' comments with hope. I'm 1 week away from delivering my 2nd and am nervous as heck. (The thought of pumping again... ugh.....)

    But you can do it! We managed once, we'll do it again. The first few weeks/months will be tough, but it will soon become the new normal. And heck, look at all the women who post here with 3 and 4 kids!

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  2. MLR: Yeah, I feel like such a wuss compared to the women with tons of kids. But it's sooo overwhelming to think about it. Hopefully, someone will have some helpful or comforting wisdom.

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  3. Good news:

    Everything is easier because you've "been there, done that."

    Each little tough spot is easier to bear because you know that it is finite. "When will she ever sleep more than three hours straight?" goes to "Will she ever eat anything green?" before you know it.

    I won't candy coat everything. The sheer volume of attention demanded of you is going to increase immensely. Make sure you tell your daughter frequently that mom's have enough love for all their kids, cause she's going miss your time.

    The sibling relationship is amazing to watch develop from day one. You have suddenly given your daughter a lifetime partner. Even when they are at each other's throats, you know they will probably be there for each other long after you are gone.

    I guess discussing your mortality isn't that comforting, but hopefully some of the other stuff helped. I hope you live to be well over 100.

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  4. Oops, I think I was responding to MLR's condition, after I read her comment, accidentally. You already have your baby. I'll think on it and more tonight - gotta get back to work.

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  5. Haha... you can email me too, Giz. I could use a private pep talk right now.

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  6. What helped me to keep my sanity was family member living with us who eventually overtook night time care ( i had surgery shortly postpartum). In the absence of family ...I know women who hired overnight help for the first few months. In the current economy hopefully it has become cheaper.

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  7. Hey, Gizabeth, I appreciate your comment nonetheless! ... and Fizzy, I didn't write that to make you feel inferior, but rather to reassure you (and me) that it CAN be done...

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  8. Anon: My mother offered to live with us for a few weeks, but I'm pretty sure my husband would murder her during that time, so I declined the offer.

    MLR: I know... I tell myself that too :)

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  9. I am there with you! I will be having my second anytime now and have this sense of impending doom about my return to work date which has already been set for Jan 5th. Thankfully I stood firm with my boss and will be coming back at 2.5 days a week, but I know even that will be challenging, especially with a spouse that works insane hours/travels routinely and no family support. Just knowing that others are going through the same thing and struggling is some how comforting...in a strange sort of way :). I wish I had a solution but there really isn't any. :)

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  10. I am a single mom and have raised my son alone since he was 6 months old (at my choice). See, my son's father was absolutely gorgeous but also a football player and pot smoker. The pot helped him cope with the agony post-game. Once our son was born, I told him no more drugs, no more other women. When he refused to quit either of those, I kicked him out.

    Never saw him again.

    From that point forward my focus was on raising my son to the best of my ability. I received my MBA in finance when he was 2, because a vice president of a public company when he was 15, and at 17, I started down the premed path taking the prerequisites for applications... oh, and started reading MCAT books while holding part time, full time and off-time jobs. We also had, at one point, 6 dogs... we're down to two.

    Can it be done? Yes. Am I tired often? Yes. Would I change my decision 19 years ago to stay with his father and do this with a partner? No, I would not change a thing.

    My son has learned to be more resilient and that anything can be accomplished if one just puts their mind to it (and the grace of God has given them the brains to do so). He has also learned what it is to sacrifice for a child and then reap the rewards later.

    How'd I do it?

    I made sure I always had "me" time. Maybe it was 1/2 hour in the bathroom with the water running just sitting there reaping the quiet and solitude; or maybe it was going to a movie alone; or maybe a concert in the park; or maybe it was running, or grooming the dogs, or reading or ... but I always made time for myself. When he got older and I was making great money, I took trips by myself to unwind. I'd do nothing but lie on the cabana chair, eat nachos and drink diet coke.

    Somehow, I still hold to those tenets as I am in my last year of pre-reqs at the age of 47, holding a full time job and maintaining a 3.9...

    I'm nothing special. YOU can do this too!!!

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  11. I actually found that going back to work after my second child was a welcome change. I only see patients part-time, so I get to split my time between home and office. The time in the office, although hectic and busy, makes it so much easier for me to deal with all the random craziness that comes from having 2 small children. I'm not saying I don't sometimes feel like a chicken with my head cut off. But my ability to really enjoy my children is improved when I am not with them 24/7.

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  12. mom of two and doc (and one on the way)August 31, 2011 at 9:09 PM

    congratulations! somehow i missed that you had a new arrival. As we prepare for our 3rd, I wish i could remember advice from our second, but I'm going to have to think about it. Somethings will be easier (I was perfectly happy to start formula supplementation with my second, where as I agonized with my first about pumping obsessively - I'm just more relaxed) and other things harder (not as enough hands when I'm trying to get out the door). be gentle with yourself, and don't be afraid to reevaluate how things are going periodically (b/c they change so fast, and it's trial and error for most of us to figure out what works for our own family). But don't let one bad day drive you to a major decision. I tried to give things at least a week before changing direction (i.e. even for little things like who should do drop-off in the morning, as well as big things like deciding to let go a competent nanny who wasn't a good fit for us on many levels, etc.)

    I also think some small time savers are huge - for me it was two sets of all the tubing etc. That way I could wash one set in the dishwasher while i was at work, and then use it the next day. The first time, I was everything every day. It was totally worth the 40Bucks to have 2 sets the second time around. another example was letting go of needing to get diapers at costco. The dollars I saved was not worth the gas and time and coordination to go further from home, and having to go to multiple stores on a regular basis made me crazy. One giant and reasonable price supermarket near my house has everything.

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  13. Doc 2 Be: That's an incredible story. I'm glad you're happy with your choices :)

    mom of two: Since it sounds like you're going to be having another one soon, I'll let you in on one of *my* secrets: Amazon Mom has cheaper diapers and wipes than Costco and they get delivered to your house free in 2 days!

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/mom/signup/welcome

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  14. Thanks! I'm so psyched to try it out. Hope your transition back to work goes smoothly and easily.

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  15. Sleep when you can.
    Don't stress if your house is not magazine cover worthy.
    As long as there is clean underwear in the drawers, laundry can wait.
    Dishwashers are great if you remember to put dish soap in it and turn it on.
    Oh did I mention sleep!
    Huge dry erase calendar in the kitchen with everyone's schedule on it keeps your memory cells from being overloaded.
    Always eat breakfast!
    Communicate with the hubby that you need help!
    Don't feel guilty about taking a day off work to go to the school play or just to hang out with your kids.
    Exercise when you can with the kids, they make great weights when they are little...now mine are bigger than me! Yikes.
    Keep your spiritual life at the top of the list of priorities.
    Talk to other working moms...sharing war stories and laughing has an amazing ability to energize you.
    Make your schedule as simple as possible...your kids don't need special art classes at the age of 2! Yes, I know someone who did this.
    Before you walk in the door after work...take a deep breath and say...work is done and now I am mom and I am going to hug and kiss everyone!

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  16. This a timely post for me as well. Preggo for the second time and super worried about 1. not having enough time for my daughter 2. not having enough time for new baby 3. not having enough time for marriage 4. pumping, yuck 5. oh yeah, do I also have a career? 6. everything else that already gets done half assed as it is.

    I will channel the above commentary/support and try to remember it will be ok. And I think that bears repeating. It will be ok. It will be ok. It will be ok.

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  17. Such a timely post for me too. I am still struggling to settle into a routine with my older son(3 yr) and my two week old daughter. Besides the post partum blues, I go into crying spells just thinking of the day I will go back to work. It always broke my heart to leave back my son, now I'll have two to think of all the time. Here in India, we hardly have the option of working part time.
    But as rightly said in the previous posts, we can do it ! we have done it once !
    Maybe that makes us what we are. MIM.

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