Friday, June 17, 2011

Guest post: Happy Father's Day

Confession time. Despite a paucity of evidence, I once lured my unsuspecting husband and daughter into the bathroom and told them to strip. I handed my husband a tube of 5% permethrin cream and proceeded to apply the same cream to our daughter and myself. My husband, well-acquainted with my neurotic behavior, laughed, shook his head in mild disbelief, then willingly obliged. “Jeez”, he muttered under his breath “I give you a car, and you give me scabies” (a reference to our recently purchased vehicle). My decision to call in three scripts for permethrin was based on two intensely pruritic hands and one overactive imagination. My lips were also swollen, but despite repeating over and over in my head, “You have an allergy, not scabies”, the heebie jeebies were welling into a tornado of anxiety that was wrecking havoc on my paralyzed little brain.

My husband puts up with a lot of crap being married to a doctor. And although I would like to think of my neurosis as merely an occupational hazard, I suspect it was likely a preexisting condition, exacerbated by the daily exposure to other people’s illnesses. I am forced to recognize that this career, and the ways in which it has dictated my behavior, can be a hardship on my non-physician husband.

In addition to not having me committed over the permethrin incident, in this first year of my fellowship my husband has shouldered a disproportionate amount of child-related care and chores. When I left for work last Saturday morning, my daughter was naked in the bathtub, in the throes of a wicked GI virus. My husband was at her side, cleaning and comforting her. I wasn’t worried that she critically ill as she had just been eating and running around earlier in the morning, but I still felt horribly guilty for leaving my family at this moment.

And while I am almost certain my husband didn’t mind, much less resented, my departure, I do wonder if he fully appreciated the extent of his parental participation when he married a female physician. Did he know that he would be in charge of daily school lunches, drop-offs, and pick-ups? That he would know the pediatrician better than his physician-wife? I can’t imagine that he did as I didn’t predict (nor wanted) it myself.

Although I recognized how very fortunate I am in my marriage, I sincerely hope that amongst this group of mommy-MDs, I am not unique in the depth of support my husband provides me in my career and our child in my all-too-frequent absence.

So ladies, in celebration of the men whose lives might have been a whole lot simpler had they just married someone, uh, less interesting.... I’d like to say: thank you.

Happy Father’s Day

s

s is a hematology/oncology fellow in California. She lives with her husband and 2 year old daughter. She blogs at www.theredhumor.com

9 comments:

  1. My hubby is the same. I have a 16 month old and am finishing my fellowship. I moonlight this weekend to keep my primary speciality skills up (and to make money because well, face it, fellows make a resident salary with attending responsibilities). He is spending the weekend pretty much alone with our kid...Father's Day weekend. Oh well, I'm lucky and he's wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mom of two and docJune 17, 2011 at 9:07 AM

    happy father's day to all the great dads and step-dads out there. I love this post - thansk!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderful post! I'm sending my husband the link to read in honor of father's day!

    ReplyDelete
  4. About to be a third-year here, and I'm on a rotation that is an hour away, and my wonderful husband gets up at 5:00 a.m. to wash and prepare my breast pump parts and help me get ready for the day. He brings me coffee as I pump first thing in the morning. He also is a stay-at-home dad who did 98% of the baby care while I was studying for Step 1 recently. Did it without a complaint. Brought me food while I was holed up studying. Our men are gems and so valuable!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree completely! Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there.

    And S- you're not alone in the scabies (or other infectious diseases) paranoia. A few years back, I coated myself in permethrin (without any improvement in symptons), only to have my dad come visit the next weekend and ask "Do you want me to get rid of that big Poison Sumac bush next to your driveway?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is a fantastic post. What a great writer you are.

    When I was nursing my daughter and got mastitis I was paranoid I got an abscess and would have to have surgery. OB said, "Nope Giz, only fibrocystic change. Do you really want me to pull out the ultrasound." I thankfully declined.

    I echo your Father's Day sentiments.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ladies! Once again thank you for the comments. I love writing for this site and feeling part of the community.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm on a rotation that is an hour away, and my wonderful husband gets up at 5:00 a.m. to wash and prepare my breast pump parts and help me get ready for the day. He brings me coffee as I pump first thing in the morning.Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm a bit late on commenting on this post...but let me add how very grateful I am for my husband and father of my son, who is a Dad-In-Medicine. Many of us do not have the stay-at-home-dad and rather share parenting duties. I appreciate being married to a physician because he really understands the challenges of the training, in a way a non-medical spouse could not. I am thankful to be married to a brilliant physician-to-be, who is a wonderful father and just happens to be my classmate too.

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. There may be a delay between submitting your comment and its publishing. Thanks for commenting!