Friday, December 3, 2010

Fourth and final

The immediate, unmistakable second pink line on the test laid on the bathroom counter - oh, the power of that pink line. The possibility that it stands for, the hope for a healthy pregnancy and a perfect newborn and another loved child. One slim line that releases a cascade of happy plans.

And yet, personal and professional experience with pregnancy loss have primed me to assume nothing. I'm expecting strikes me as presumptuous. And so I am not expecting. But I am pregnant.

On discovering I had conceived, I was overwhelmed by the sense that this was obviously grand work, this close involvement with birth, and briefly, all else looked anemic. I am thrilled, at least as much as I can remember with my other children. It doesn't feel commonplace; my previous experiences - good and bad - make it that much more meaningful. It's been almost five years since Ariana was born. This me, the 36-year-old mother of three, physician to refugees, living in Deep Cove, has never been pregnant.

I first felt the baby move at sixteen weeks: a soft swipe, a sliding sensation. Then the movements changed to knocks, small thuds, bumps and turns. I often lie on the couch, pants unbuttoned, both hands on my belly, waiting for baby to buck and shift; its solid presence can take my breath away.

I'm 27 weeks, 3 days. I have a globe of a belly, a baby cardigan on the needles, three very pleased children and a non-stop pace at the office that keeps baby rocked to sleep most of the day.

I'm in no hurry to progress. Right now, everything is as it should be.

29 comments:

  1. I really miss your writings, because this was such a beautiful tribute to you and to your life.

    Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations! Lovely news. I had my fourth child at 36- she's almost 9 months old and one of the best things I ever did!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats!

    On Tuesday night, I had a dream that I was surprised by a pregnancy and since then I've been seeing babies everywhere. Now is definitely not the time, but my subconscious doesn't seem to realize that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very touching! Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Congratulations! You and Alisa both! # 4 & #6. Blessings to you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Congrats! I too just had my fourth and final at age 36. Every moment of that pregnancy and her sweet little life seems such a miracle. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for the update. Congratulations :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. That's great! As the oldest of four, I can attest that the joys of having a big family will keep going on for the rest of your, and your kiddos lives! I regret (a little) that I only have two.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Do you remember our conversation a long time ago one New Years Day? You, Carolyn and myself wondering how anyone would ever have more than 2 kids....I was pregnant with Matthew our 3rd at the time but no one knew.....
    Now you have number 4 on the way....

    So very happy for you. Enjoy!
    Jac

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations and God bless. You are so fortunate to be able to have four.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Many congratulations. I wish you a lovely pregnancy and a safe birth..

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your contentment radiates through your words. How wonderful - congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congratulations. What a lovely post.

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a beautiful second line on that test kit! Be well and congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Congratulations Martina! I love how i get little snippets of your life from time to time! Thanks for sharing!
    Kristi

    ReplyDelete
  16. Such beautiful and exciting news at Christmas time. Congratulation.I'll bet the children are excited.

    ReplyDelete
  17. wonderful news and a wonderful 4th gift. it's so true what you say about not being the same "me" as you were with your other pregnancies - it's amazing how different it can be at different stages in your life.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks. I really needed a glimmer of positive vision of this life right now. I really appreciate having read this.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Congratulations!

    We're thinking of #2 at 48. Yes, we did IVF with #1 and have frozen embryos we're thinking of using. Scary.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks so much for your comments and well wishes. I particularly like the ones from other 36-year-olds with four kids. It makes me feel a little less lonely and strange.

    @Jac - That was when I had an infant and a preschooler. It's all sort of dangerously faded now.

    @Anonymous 6:08 - I am fortunate to be able to have four. I know, and I am grateful.

    @JeanMac - Yes, the kids are over the moon.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Congratulations! I really appreciate having read this.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Most importantly, congratulations!

    As a frequent reader of this site, and a medical student with a toddler, I'm just curious (and I suppose many could answer) - how do you pull it all off? At times med school with just one child seems nearly impossible and I worry about how to grow my family, have a career and maintain my sanity. (I'd love to have 3 kids, but honestly, have no idea how to do so successfully). So I'd be interested to know...what your childcare situations are like, work schedules, husband or partner's work schedules, etc. Any advice or words of wisdom are appreciated!

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. There may be a delay between submitting your comment and its publishing. Thanks for commenting!