Dear Mothers in Medicine,
I need your help. I am in a sudden mid-training crisis and after years of being absolutely sure of what step comes next… I now have choices and that leaves me in a panic. I’ve been reading this blog for about a year now and I respect and enjoy reading the posts that go up. So I need your help in the form of unbiased opinions about what to do with my life.
I’m an internal medicine resident in my second year, with a 19-month-old son and a loving husband. I’ve been interested in Endocrine casually for a while now but recently I’ve decided that I would like to specialize in it. The unfair thing is that the match application for fellowship occurs in December of the second year of residency… for a spot after the third year is over. So after the whirlwind of intern year, it seems like this crossroads comes up way too quickly. This is also the time that my program sends out the call for Chief Medical Resident applications (there are 4 chiefs every year for my program), again, for the year just after I graduate. I’ve been asked twice by one of the associate program directors to apply for CMR, which is both flattering and shocking to me. I want to stay at my current program for fellowship, but this is a year when 5 of my colleagues also are applying for Endo and 2 out of the 3 spots have already been promised to people. Basically, no reason to apply for the match this year. I’ve been told that if I did do CMR that I would be guaranteed a spot when I was done. I literally have to make a decision in 2 days (deadline for CMR). So I made pro/con list (or, sort of a stream of consciousness) for the jobs that I’m considering.
Endocrine Fellowship +/- Chief Medical Resident vs. Primary Care Internal Medicine
Pro: Focused on limited problem set - thyroid, pituitary, diabetes, PCOS... Overall nice colleagues. Maybe a little better salary than primary care... Don't have to deal with musculoskeletal issues or runny noses. Get to potentially see some really crazy pathology and treat thyroid cancer.
Con: Have to apply for fellowship, including a personal statement, letters of recommendation, trying to start and somehow make sense of a research project. Being stuck in a fellowship for 2 more years while not making a full salary. Possibly having to end up doing primary care anyway after 2 years of training (the market in my area of the state is completely saturated and full time endocrine jobs are extremely hard to come by from what I’ve been told).
Pro: Tons of jobs available. Weekends off, no more overnight call in-house EVER. Making a decent salary in less than 2 years. Happier husband. Potentially really nice patient-doctor relationships with the sane and reasonable patients.
Con: The overwhelming amount of follow up labs, etc. MSK complaints that I never know what to do with. The fear of missing a big diagnosis. The awful gyn complaints (though I think outside the VA where my continuity clinic is at, internal medicine primary care is probably a lot less gyn since women usually have their yearly pap by an OB/Gyn).
Chief Medical Resident. This is an esteemed position that comes as a bitter-sweet combination of administrative work, no clinical time, teaching, politics, and pretty much an 8-5 M-F schedule, and a few more bucks than a regular resident. It would be one more year past my 3 years of residency and would essentially guarantee a spot in my institution's Endocrine fellowship after I'm done. On my curriculum vitae it would be a plus for any future job application. What's one more year out of my life? Well, I think I'm hesitant for two reasons: 1) my husband is not a fan of making 1/2 the salary of an attending for one more year of delay to a real job 2) I don't want to have to deal with all the politics and new ACGME rules that are coming down the pike, i.e. the new rules of interns only working 16 hrs in a row (which is ridiculous, but I'm sure all the new interns for next year are happy about that). I think I would be a good chief and I've always liked mentoring along my younger colleagues (mainly medical students, at this point), teaching, realizing that I actually do know some medicine.
Here’s the rub… My husband has been in his career for 10 years. He is making great money… but he hates his job. He has stuck by me for years now… moved with me to medical school, moved back for residency, supporting me through the overwhelming debt I have from medical school and college, being the primary caretaker for our son last year when I was an intern. He would like nothing better than for me to finish IM residency, get a job in Primary Care, and start having a regular salary and consistent schedule. He’s sure, now more than ever, that he needs to change his career drastically for the sake of his happiness. I want this for him too. After all, he has been supporting me this whole time… when is it his turn? How long can he wait? We will both be in our late 30’s by the time I am really done if I continue onto fellowship.
So. Here I am. I feel like there are a few ways this could play out… and any of them I would find a way to be happy. That’s just who I am. That’s what makes this decision so tough… In any of these, I think I could be happy.
1. Primary care – as a career
2. Primary care for 4-5 years, then apply for Endocrine fellowship - my fear is that I become too comfortable in my current salary/job and just bag the whole idea of going back to training
3. Chief year, then Endocrine fellowship directly after – this is what I would choose in the alternate reality where I’m not a wife or a mom
Any comments or ideas I would greatly appreciate!