Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Day in the life of a physiatrist

Note: I am a PM&R clinical and research fellow.

5AM: Melly crawls into our bed and the kicking commences. If her head is on our pillow, how is she still able to kick me in the ear?

7AM: Alarm goes off.
Me: "I have to shower."
Husband: "No, I have to shower."
Me: "Goddammit."

Me: "Melly, would you like to sit on the potty?"
Melly: "No."
Me: "If you make on the potty, you'll get a treat."
Melly: "No, I'm doing something."
(She's a very busy girl.)

Me: "Melly, it's time to get off the potty."
Melly: "No."

8:10AM: Day care drop-off.
Melly: "Mommy, I don't like day care. I want to go home."
Me: "You can come home later."
Melly: "No, NOW." [tries to slip out the door]

8:20AM: I arrive at my bus stop. Bus is just pulling away from stop. I am waving my arms and yelling, but it doesn't stop. I am certain everyone on the bus sees me and is laughing to themselves. If I am feeling particularly limber, I chase the bus down at the next stop.

8:45AM: Arrive at work, pretending I've already been there for the last fifteen minutes.

Patient: "My back hurts."
Me: "I think you might benefit from a course of physical therapy and/or injections."
Patient: "Can I have Percocet?"
Repeat x infinity

11AM: EMG time
Me: "Please relax your arm while I stick this giant needle into it and move it around."
Patient: "Gaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!"
Me: "OK, you're not relaxing."

1PM: Work on IRB application during lunch, while fantasizing about a long ago, simpler time, before I knew what the hell an IRB application was.

2PM: Research meeting
Colleague #1: "Research is frustrating."
Colleague #2: "There are many barriers to doing research. Let's discuss these."

4:30PM: Head home.

5PM: Arrive at daycare. When I get there, all the remaining kids crowd around the door, crying out, "Mama!"
Me: "Time to go home!"
Melly: "I don't want to go home. I want to stay here."

Day care worker: "You know, Melly really loves babies. You should have a little baby brother or sister for her to play with."
Me: "If she agrees to take care of the nighttime feedings, then no problem."

6:30PM: Dinner. For years, we used to eat in front of the TV, but now my husband wants to eat at our dining table and have "family time." Loser.

"Melly, would you like to use the potty?" vs. "Don't worry, we'll clean up the pee on the floor."

8:30PM: Melly's bedtime. I lie next to her in bed and generally fall asleep myself, waking up 1-2 hours later, completely disoriented.

11PM: Watch one of a selection of TIVO'd programs, including The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Top Chef, South Park, or Glee. In the meantime, I prepare lunch for the next day for me and Melly.

11:30PM: Bed time for real. I drift off to the sound of my husband's CPAP machine.


  1. You are funny! Ah, fond memories of dinner on the couch in front of the tv just me and my husband. Come to think of it, that was much of my first pregnancy (couch, food, tv). Ever since having kids I guess we're now those "losers" insisting on family time. Wonder if Melly will get what she wants... less daycare, more daycare, and a baby sib :-)

  2. Your post is really funny! I laughed out loud a few times while reading it!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Wonderfully candid post. Don't worry - the midget gymnastics routine miraculously disappears, around age 5. My daughter sleeps like a stationary rock. I never would have thought it.

    I'll be happy to take a look at your husband's tonsils and uvula, if need be (under a microscope, of course!):)

  5. Thanks :) My husband has huge tonsils for an adult, but probably the big neck is the bigger problem.

  6. Fizzy - Just wanted you to know that a few weeks ago Son told us he heard from heaven in his dream that his baby sister's nickname should be...Melly. Not sure where he heard it, but it fits. We love it!

  7. Thoroughly enjoyed this post, in classic Fizzy humor style.

    The day will come when Melly is potty trained and has the bladder capacity of more than a thimble. This is awesome.

  8. I looooove this post. So friggin funny I thought I just might have to make a run for the potty. Just the comic relief I needed at the end of a why-am-I-here kind of day.

  9. I'd be careful with your son's request, FatDoctor. My daughter whose name is Melanie wanted to be known as Melly for a few days, but changed her mind when she was reminded what you can change that name into!


Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. So.Much.Spam.