When I made a post last week about fellowship, I was surprised by one commenter who suggested the idea of living apart for a year while I did a fellowship. Either my daughter could come out with me and I could manage as a single parent (eep!) or she could stay with my husband and I could just visit on odd holidays.
Now I've lived apart from my husband for periods of time and it was not fun, but it was doable. But living apart from my child is a totally different ballgame.
I know the commenter meant no offense in this statement, and the truth is, women do this. I know of a few female residents who have sent their babies to live in their home country with the grandparents while they furthered their careers. I don't judge these women but it's not something I would ever remotely consider.
In my daughter's entire life, I have only been away from her for one single night. (Not easy to manage as a resident!) My husband has only been away from her for a handful of nights. For either of us, it is painful to even contemplate a year spent apart. I can do a fellowship in ten years from now if I want, but AGE TWO is only going to happen once. I'd never forgive myself if I missed out on it.... or if I put my husband in a position where he was forced to either give up his job or miss out on it.
For me, feminism does not necessarily equate with always getting my way in terms of career.