Sunday, May 24, 2009

Role Reversal

Ever since my husband made the decision to stop working in order to balance our family and home life, things have been ever so much more manageable in our lives. Groceries get bought, laundry gets done, dinner gets cooked, and life is a little easier for all of us. It has been a necessary, though not a permanent, change. As my husband has assumed the "traditional female" role with respect to keeping our house in order, I sometimes find myself falling into the role of a 60s sitcom "traditional male." I come home, grunt a few times, stare at the television or the internet until dinner, hug and snuggle the kids, get them fed and bathed, and become basically a zoned-out zombie until the weekend rolls around. It is only then that I awaken to my real "maternal instinct." It is only then that I can interact with my kids as more of a mommy than a "provider." I know that I haven't changed, but, right now, my role in their lives has. I'm the breadwinner. I'm working for our family, and somehow, it is taking a lot from me. Lately, I find myself more sympathetic to those 60s fathers, bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders, but always ready with a bit of wisdom or a pithy saying. I know my husband respects the hard working (not bon-bon eating) housewives, as well. Still, at the end of the day, I know my mother's heart is still alive and well, especially when Bean holds my face close and memorizes every feature, softly saying "nose," "mouth," "eyes," and "hair." My heart just melts, and I feel so blessed to just be "Mommy."


  1. Dr. Whoo,

    I feel your post. My husband is also a SAHD, a change that made our life as a family so much more manageable. He has struggled on and off with his role, and lack of breadwinning, but in a lot of ways it has been good for him too.

    I also feel like the 50s dad...not remembering the kids dentist appts, or not knowing how many eggs we have in the house, working my behind off when at work, racing home to be with everyone and sometimes finding myself so exhausted that I can't enjoy the home time I so crave.

    We are entertaining the thought of another child, and I find myself in the role of surrogate mother. I would be the incubator, and then the milk provider, but he'll be the one with the day to day responsibility. It's alot to ask, and a lot to give up.


  2. Thanks, Dr. Smak. It helps to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. In so many ways, this decision has helped our family. I can't help but feel like I gave up a little bit of being "Mommy" in order to make that work. That smarts a bit. I wish you all the best as you move forward with your decision on adding to your family. It isn't easy, but know that you will always be ever so much more than the "incubator" and "milk provider!" All the best to your and your family!


Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. So.Much.Spam.