Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Adoption Journey Part I

So today someone asked me the question I’d been dreading for quite awhile: “So, what’s your husband going to do in the fall when boy wonder starts kindergarten?’
A lump began to rise in my throat.
“Well. Ummm. I’m not sure” I stammered.
We haven’t really discussed it. The truth is that two years ago when we started this adoption journey, I would have never dreamed it would have taken this long. We both assumed we’d have a toddler by now.

Our son has albinism. It is autosomal recessive genetic disorder. Our son is beyond amazing and is barely effected by the condition, however we know that a majority of people with albinism will be significantly visually impaired. When we decided to grow our family, domestic adoption was the path that seemed right for us.

It was exciting at first. We told everyone we knew about our journey, for their prayers and support. Additionally, the books (I’ve read many) suggested to network in case friends/ family knew a potential birthmom. We took classes and filled out paperwork it was a tendious process but at least we were “doing “something.

Then we waited.

We were a year into the process when we met our first birthmom. Things were amazing. We were so excited we could hardly stand it. We knew we should be cautious, but things seemed so certain. Then days before delivery things fell through not because she changed her mind, but because of a strange legal glitch. We were devastated and left staring at an empty nursery.

A few months later we met birthmom #2. She was very young and early in her pregnancy, still she seemed sure of her decision. Plus all the books say the averaged couple has “1” failed adoption. Of course we all know these things don't always follow the books. Four months later she changed her mind and decided to parent. This was hard, but we knew it was a possibility,

Yesterday, I got news that birth mom # 3 has backed out. This was a strange situation and I had little hope of it working out from the beginning. Still, part of me is left wondering, “Um… seriously God. What now?”

The irony being that I deliver babies. Constantly. This of course confuses boywonder. For awhile after the first adoption fell through, he would ask when I went for delivery if “it was our baby” I was delivering. No, not yet. And my heart would break just a little but every time he’d say it. He rarely says it now. So much time has passed. It’s also getting challenging to deal with all the follow up questions from the “zillion” people we’ve told.

At work its hard to be sympathetic to the patients who get upset about an unplanned pregnancy. The worst is people who get seriously upset about the gender of their baby. Honestly, I’ve never been able to muster much sympathy for them. I know that the process has given me a new depth of empathy for my infertilty patients and others going through challeging situations.

I’ve labeled this post adoption Journey Part I as a statement of faith that someday (hopefully soon) I will proudly post adoption Journey part II where I will post pictures of my beautiful child. Until then thanks for letting me vent.

I’m also thankful to fat doctor for sharing her successful adoption story and being so transparent through her process.

8 comments:

  1. I empathize with you somewhat on this issue. I'm a fourth year medical student who had a miscarriage late in my third year. Being at a large university and seeing tons of pregnant women around (an some of them looking as if they couldn't care for themselves, let alone a child) and then the teen mothers who were still children themselves made me so sad and so angry at the situation. It's so hard to understand why good people who desperately want to have children are never granted that luxury, while others who mistreat, neglect, and abuse their children can have multiple kids. I pray for your continued strength through this as well as a successful adoption soon... I don't know that I would be able to go to work everyday surrounded by pregnant women... it just hits so close to home and cuts so deeply. Thanks for sharing your very personal story.

    Ashley

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story, Rh +. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you! I'm trying to avoid saying trite things like "it will all work out," but I know that you will find the path and family that is meant for you. I'm praying for you!

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  3. Good luck on your journey and thank you for letting us be a part of it. As you know, having already had boy wonder, it is not the journey that is important (regardless of how difficult), but instead, the final destination.

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  4. Thanks for this moving "part 1" post. Looking forward to part 2 (and 3 and 4...). We're with you.

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  5. Why not adopt an older child? There are plenty out there who are looking for good homes.

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  6. Looking forward to part 2. I'm sorry that things have been difficult for you. I have several friends who have adopted two or more children, and have had similar experiences. Two of them have a 7 year gap between their kids, but it has turned out all right in the end.

    I too get severely irritated with the "I can't believe I got pregnant" and "Dang it, I wanted a boy" people. Healthy is all I care about (I am a mommy of a Potter's Syndrome angel). It's all about perspective.

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  7. Good luck with your journey (and when you get there!)

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  8. OK, so I missed this when you first published it and now am jumping back from your celebratory "Part 2" post.

    This post took my breath away, even though I already knew your story from your personal email and even though I know it has a happy ending.

    I'm just so sad that you and your family had to suffer, but clearly God needed you to be available when your new son needed you so very much.

    Now that it's all over, we can say...it'll all work out.

    Still, this story gave me chills. I'm so lucky that my first birth mom, though she had some emotional health issues, didn't back out. I'm not sure I could have gone through it again.

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